wasiat

attended a briefing by amanah raya berhad just now. it stressed on the important of wasiat writing. it's not new to me. i already have it stucked behind my head - the wasiat - because i want to make sure, when i die, my children will get their haq. and i want to leave them a letter saying that it's not their faults or my fault that i was taken away - it just a fitrah hukum alam. and i want them to know that i love them very very much. i want them to be anak soleh dan solehah, i want them to be the best ummat on earth.

tapi bila nak tulis saje, i feel like i'm going to die straight away. i'm so much in denial, hoping that i can live forever - at least dapat tengok anak-anak jadi orang. padahal Allah kata kalau dah sampai ajal, sesaat pun tak akan dipercepatkan atau dilambatkan. mati itu pasti. tapi orang mati mudah urusannya. bila dah selesai tanam habih cerita. tapi, bagi yang hidup perlu meneruskan kehidupan seperti biasa. adakah nasib anak-anak nanti terbela? who else can love them as much as me?

ah. writing this posting alone make me sebak dan bergenang air mata. i can do this. there's no reason for me to procrastinate any longer. the ARB forms are all in front of me, waiting to be filled. be strong. lawan la sikit perasaan tu. kalau mati tak sempat tinggalkan wasiat lagi menyesal karang.

p/s: no, i have no any critical deseases or something. and i don't even know when my ajal will come. this is just a normal procedure. everybody should make their own wasiat. itu saja. cuma diri ini je yang terlebih emo.